piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
