I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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