Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
