What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
