I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
