We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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