at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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