what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
