My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
