Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
