In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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