Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
