According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
