Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
