recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
