do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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