hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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