No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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