Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
