Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
