Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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