just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
