I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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