you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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