Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
