I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
