I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize