Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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