i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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