I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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