So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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