Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
