my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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