Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
