Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize