I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
