my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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