P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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