margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
