Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
