and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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