The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
