I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
