So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I came so hard my ears popped.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
