She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
