the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
