The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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