Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i would punch a child for taco bell
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
