his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
