Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
