when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize