ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
