Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
