kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In America we eat man semen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
two words: eviction party
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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