DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize