I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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