She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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