toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
