You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
