All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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