we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
