Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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