True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize