White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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